


ab aeterno/ab intiquo

by Jaspveri (Jaspberi)



Series: at length [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Character Death, Immortality, Okubo Clan, Self-Harm, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, let me know if anything else needs or should be tagged
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-01-15 21:55:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18507850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaspberi/pseuds/Jaspveri
Summary: No one expects to be immortal. They don’t wake up and think, ‘today’s the day I’m going to lose my mortality.’Junko certainly didn’t.She burns alive, while her team burns away.





	1. She's Burning

She’s with her teammates. One of them is angry, there’s another team close by.  
She recognizes Mari at least, she tells Mari to run, sees the look in Mari’s eyes as she yells, getting her teammates moving.  
It was always going to come down to this, she thinks, her teammates lack of control, them away from anyone who could stop it.  
The other team is running, but she remains still with her teammates, feels the heat of fire rushing ever closer after it flares out from her teammate.  
Before the fire even touches her she feels the way her skin bubbles, the bubbles rippling across her skin.  
She burns from the outside in, and she burns and burns and burns.  
  
===================================  
  
The world is shadowy and out of focus. Junko stumbles forward, wonders how she can walk.  
She looks down, and wants to vomit.  
She isn’t in her body, her body lies at her feet, shadowy and indistinct like the rest of the world around her.  
Junko falls to her knees but doesn’t feel it, she stares down at her body, watching as burnt black bones slowly change, flesh grows. It isn’t easy to see, everything is shadows, almost dust.  
Her hair does not grow back, Junko waits until her own naked body lies whole once more before her, and sinks into it instinctively.  
  
Once she’s in her body, she sits up and has to lean to the side to puke.  
She’s naked and the trees and grass around her are burnt to a crisp. She stares at the blackened wasteland around her, the corpses of her two teammates beside her.  
They won’t be coming back.  
Junko stands, stumbles her way forward, she’s going to need to find clothing, maybe even a weapon.  
She wonders if a weapon really matters, unless that was a fluke, nothing can properly kill her anyway.  
  
She reaches the edge of the burnt part of the forest, Mari isn’t far away, she’s staring at Junko, eyes wide, a taller blonde woman at her side.  
‘What happened?’ Mari races to Junko’s side.  
‘Kaho-san,’ gasps Junko, ‘she can’t . . . couldn’t control her fire jutsu, she lost her temper.’  
Mari glances down, going red, she pulls her bag of her back and quickly pulls clothing out of it, handing it over to Junko, her face creases with something like grief, ‘My teammate died in that fire too,’ she says, ‘neither of our teams can pass now, you may as well stay with us.’  
Junko quickly pulls the clothing on, standard pants, shoes and a loose tank top, she nods in agreement but stays quiet. Her throat is dry and burns with each word she speaks.  
  
They get out of the forest, three failures.  ~~ ** _She couldn’t keep them alive._**~~  
She still feels hot, as if the fire of her team has made it’s way into her bones and now lives there.  
She wants to crumple to the ground.  
She’s put in the same room as Mari and the blonde room, had those higher up forgotten or not realized Junko was not part of that team?  
  
There’s a knock at the door, relief floods the blonde woman’s face, but Junko doubts she’s aware of it.  
The woman stands, opening the door, surprise colouring her tone as she greets him, ‘Kakashi,’ she allows him to enter the room.  
Kakashi is a well known name, Junko doesn’t doubt nothing could have stopped him from entering the room.  
  
‘This is Hatake Kakashi,’ Akiara looks to the pair of genin, before shifting her gaze to Kakashi again, ‘My teammate Inuzaka Mari, and Junko.’  
Junko can’t read Kakashi’s expression, studies the way he and Akiara stands, gaze lingers on how Akiara’s arms are wrapped, these two are probably soulmates, she guesses.  
She wonders if she herself even has a soulmate.  
  
‘The proctors have agreed you can all go home, they’ll send message when the third exam starts,’ his voice is flat, no emotion, like he’s drained somehow, had he known Hinae?  
Possibly, Junko wasn’t sure how long the blonde had been on a team with Hinae and Mari for.  
  
Kakashi offers his hand to the blonde, she takes it without hesitation, allowing him to lead her out of the room, Junko hears her voice before she leaves the hallway, ‘Are your genin still in there?’  
Junko hadn’t been aware Hatake had taken on a genin team, but she herself was a genin, that kind of information wasn’t generally something she needed to know.  
  
She decide not to say anything to Mari, just leaves the room.  
She doesn’t want to see the next exam, doesn’t see the point. She failed, her teammates are dead, and she should be dead with them.  
Junko has been alone for the majority of her life, and maybe she’d felt somewhat okay having a team, nearly learned to rely on them.  
  
She can live with being alone again.  
Her home is empty. Or, rather almost empty.  
Sparingly furnished, small trinkets and tokens symbolizing Kaho and Mirimai’s presence in her life lying about.  
  
Rather absently, Junko collects the items, chest aching as she does so.  
She doesn’t need to see these things, but also has no desire to get rid of them.  
She puts them in an unused cupboard and tries to forget.  



	2. Haze

The messenger has came and gone, Junko hadn’t left her apartment, didn’t see the point in attending the last exam.  
The hotness under her skin  ** _in her core_** burns fiercely and she wants to sleep for a very long time.  
Junko faintly wonders how long it’ll take for her sensei to find her.  
Possibly quite a while, Nanako-sensei had always liked Mirimai more than either Kaho or Junko.  
  
Junko decides to fill her time by running a bath, she runs the water as cold as she possibly can, hoping that it’ll sooth the feeling in her bones.  
Mirimai has always like ice cubes in her drinks, so there’s ice in the freezer, without much thought Junko dumps those into the bath as well.  
Not only is fire destructive, Junko reflects, it’s cleansing, the clothes Mari had given are slightly dirty, but Junko herself, with fresh veins, with fresh organs and skin, is clean in an almost obscene way.  
  
She can’t help but flinch as she climbs into the ice cold bath, she feels the heat inside flare hotter for a moment before dying down, leaving Junko to shiver.  
Distantly, Junko wonders if the incident during the exam was a fluke, a one time thing.  
If she stayed in this bath long enough, would she die and stay dead? Junko’s on the fence about whether or not she wants to push it, but feeling distant enough from her feelings that she makes no move to leave the bath as hours tick by.  
  
She’s entirely too aware when she stops shivering from the cold, dimly aware of what that means.  
Her core starts to feel warm again after that, her fingers don’t move when she tries to move them, their colour has changed, same with her toes.  
There’s a knock at the door that Junko ignores.  
  
The longer she stays still, the foggier her mind becomes. She’s not aware exactly of when she loses consciousness.  
  
===============================  
  
When she opens her eyes, she’s staring at her frozen body in the bath.  
From this angle, with her body so pale and shriveled up from the water, she looks small and weak.  
Junko scowls. She tries to touch her body, hoping she’ll end up back in it again.  
  
Her hand goes through, she can faintly feel how cold her body is. Too cold, still dead.  
Junko stares at herself, noting that any scar she’d gained previously was now gone, a result of her first death?  
Her soul mark is also gone, and Junko keenly feels it’s loss.  
  
When there’s another knock at the door, Junko hears it this time.  
She can’t open the bathroom door, so she simply walks through it. Nanako-sensei is at the door, looking . . .strangely empty.  
Her expression is blank, gaze not quite focused, she pounds on the door like she’s angry, but her expression doesn’t back up the actions.  
  
After a few minutes, Nanako stops, slowly lowering her fist. She stares at the door for only a moment before pulling something free of her hair, leaving the thick black hair to fall loose around her face. A glint of metal, Junko leans closer.  
  
Some kind of thin metal strip, realization floods through Junko when Nanako reaches for the door.  
So Nanako-sensei likely was prepared for most scenarios like she always acted. It had been somewhat of a joke within their team, Nanako-sensei always having exactly what they needed when they needed it.  
  
Nanako-sensei is quick to get the door open, Junko glances up at the sky before following her in - it’s dark, Junko’s body has been dead in the bathtub for some time before she regained . . .awareness? Junko isn’t sure what to call this strange state she’s in now.  
  
There’s no sound from Nanako when she enters the bathroom, she stares at Junko before leaning forward, she’s careless in her handling of Junko’s body, seemingly sure of her death.  
Nanako doesn’t seem to care about the feeling of freezing cold water as she scoops Junko up, nor does she seem to care when water is dripped everywhere as she carries Junko to her bedroom.  
  
Nanako is perhaps the last person in the village to care about Junko’s well-being, and here she is, dumping Junko’s body on her bed without much care. Junko stares at Nanako, who stares at Junko’s body, almost like she’s searching for something. Junko’s soul mark perhaps?  
  
Some part of Junko seems to understand when its time. She moves forward, feels that sinking feeling of returning to her body.  
Sits up, gasping, spitting out water. She doesn’t see Nanako-sensei’s reaction right away, only looks up when her lungs are clear of the ice cold water.  
  
Nanako-sensei is staring at her, eyes wide, startled.  
‘I thought you were dead,’ is all Nanako says, she drops to her knees, stares down at them, seemingly unwilling to face her last genin.  
  
‘I was,’ croaks Junko, her throat feels hoarse, like she’s burned all over again. The feeling of heat in her bones has returned.  ~~ ** _She wants to slit her throat just to be relieved of that heat._**~~  
Nanako doesn’t look up at this statement, stays unnaturally still, as if waiting for Junko to say more.  
  
Junko reaches for the nearest piece of clothing, suddenly uncomfortable naked in front of her sensei, she yanks the too large shirt on, it falls halfway to her knees and will do for now, ‘I was,’ she repeats, ‘I was dead, I died in the exam too.’  
  
‘Junko . . .’ Nanako’s voice is low, almost sounding like a warning, she still hasn’t looked up.  
‘It’s true,’ Junko insists, suddenly unsure of why she needs Nanako to believe her, to listen to her, ‘my body burnt away in . . ‘ she comes to a halt, unwilling to say Kaho’s name.  
  
There’s a pause.  
‘I believe you,’ Nanako’s voice is so quiet, Junko almost doesn’t hear it, she blinks, startled.  
‘Really?’ questions Junko, doubtful, she wouldn’t believe anyone who said what she was saying now.  
  
Nanako draws in a deep breath, ‘it’s time you knew about our clan.’  
  
. .  ** _. Our Clan._**  
  



	3. Unexpected Truth/Tenderness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junko leans about her clan.

‘Our clans originally from Kirigakure,’ Nanako tells her, she remains sitting on the floor, keeps her gaze low, ‘It was a violent clan, most likely due to the nature of it’s kekkei genkai.’  
‘Neither kekkei genkai or clan have a name that anyone can remember, the kekkei genkai is what made you come back after dying.’  
  
A kekkei genkai, Junko frowns, she’d always assumed she’d come from a family with no importance, or even been an accident between two nobodies who had decided they didn’t want to stick around for that accident.  
But she has a clan, and a kekkei genkai apparently.  
  
‘It’s an immortality kekkei genkai, limited to within the clan. In theory it activates once the person is a teenager,’ Nanako loosely gestures to Junko, ‘with the first death, but even within the clan it’s a rare kekkei genkai,’  
Nanako slowly lets out a long sigh, ‘It seems our clan wanted warriors, so they trained their youth extensively, pushing them until many of them died, revealing whether or not they had the kekkei genkai, those who had it were pushed further.’  
  
Junko turns this information over in her mind, if that were the case, wouldn’t people know about this clan of dangerous people who can’t be killed? Wouldn’t they be a  ** _problem_**  outside of Kirigakure or wherever they ended up?  
  
‘The kekkei genkai was rare enough that the clan never grew very big,’ Nanako continues, ‘After defecting from Kirigakure, it was difficult for the clan to stay together, it was a clan full of violence and anger, they couldn’t stand to be around each other.’  
  
‘So they slowly drifted apart, presumably there’s others like you,’ another hand gesture, ‘immortal and confused.’  
  
‘But you still know about our clan and it’s kekkei genkai,’ Junko finally speaks up, she doesn’t like that she’s above Nanako in this moment, sitting on the bed while Nanako sits on her knees on the floor.  
  
Nanako nods, a brief nod, ‘My mother was part of the clan at the time it left Kirigakure, she passed the information on to me, I . . .don’t know how many others still have this information.’  
  
‘Is there a way for me to properly die?’ is Junko’s next question.  
  
This has Nanako’s head snapping upwards, wide startled eyes locking onto Junko’s, ‘why would you want to know that?’  
  
Junko isn’t sure there is a right answer to this, is she supposed to admit that she feels like she’s burning alive from the inside? That she desperately wants to die in some kind of meaningful way. Meaningful meaning permanent, for a final time.  
  
Do others with this kekkei genkai eventually lose track of how many times they’ve died? Junko hates the thought of losing count, does Nanako have this kekkei genkai? Did her mother?  
  
She doesn’t answer Nanako’s question.  
  
‘There is a way,’ Nanako speaks up, ‘it’s why the clans likely gone unnoticed, there is members of the clan who dedicate themselves to hunting unruly immortal members of the clan.’  
Hunting, huh? Junko considers this, maybe that’s how her end will go.  
Hunted down by a clan she never knew.  
  
====================================  
  
Junko doesn’t protest when Nanako removes her jounin vest and helps Junko put it on, they’re in Junko’s apartment and her own clothes are around them, yet Junko remains quiet.  
  
‘Do you have the kekkei genkai?’ asks Junko, voice quiet, allowing her sensei to move her and adjust her to get her properly dried and dressed.  
‘No, you’re coming to stay at my place.’  
Junko blinks, tries to shake off the fog in her mind, ‘What for?’ she watches as Nanako starts to pack some of her clothing into a bag she’s found.  
  
Junko’s not quite sure where the bag came from, is mildly confused at some of the clothing items Nanako chooses to pack.  
‘They might not think I’m suited to be your sensei anymore,’ answers Nanako, ‘If I can’t be your sensei, then I want you to live with me.’  
  
This is a feeling that breaks through the fog in Junko’s mind, shock, she hadn’t really expected Nanako to care? But if she wants to stay Junko’s sensei, and have her living with her if she can’t be Junko’s sensei - then she must care.  
And all this time, Junko had assumed Nanako had liked Mirimai so much more than she had Kaho or Junko.  
  
In all their time as a team, it felt like Nanako had been trying to keep herself distant from Junko and Kaho, which had lead to a few fiery explosions from Kaho, who had been trained with high level techniques far too early, and never quite taught how to control her own impulses.  
Junko’s thoughts halt, she frowns at Nanako, ‘Is Kaho from our clan, also?’  
  
‘Huh?’ Nanako sends her a startled look, gazes at her for a moment before resuming packing, ‘Yeah, how’d you guess?’ her tone is wary, and Junko is anxious about answering.  
‘The way you acted towards us, you were closer to Mirimai, but we always knew what clan Mirimai was from, did . . being from the same clan stop you being able to be close to us? or stop you from wanting to be?’  
  
Nanako frowns, now done packing, she puts the backpack on, reaches over to pull Junko to her feet, she maintains that thoughtful look as they leave the building. Junko doesn’t mention the fact she’s not wearing shoes, doesn’t want to interrupt her sensei’s thoughts.  
  
‘I guess I didn’t know how I should act around either of you,’ Nanako admits, they’re nearly at Nanako’s house by time she breaks the silence between them.  
Junko blinks.  
‘As soon as you each were born, I knew about you,’ Nanako shoots her a guilty look, ‘you were half siblings, you shared a father, and since Kaho’s mother died in birth, and your mother fled the village after giving birth to you, he needed someone within the village to keep an eye on you and Kaho both.’  
  
‘So he asked you,’ guesses Junko, Nanako nods.  
Junko quietly processes the fact that she’d had a sister, then puts the thought aside. She’d never been close to Kaho, doesn’t want to force herself into grieving over what might have been.  
‘Yes,’ Nanako confirms, ‘then presumably, he pulled strings to make sure I got both of you as genin on my team,’ she shoots Junko a wry look, ‘I’m not exactly much older than either of you, strings had to have been pulled for me to have a genin team so soon.’  
  
Junko remembers when their team first met, Nanako had been 17, a fact that had angered Kaho.  
She also remembers the startled look she’d seen on Nanako the first time she saw the three genin, as if she’d seen something she had hoped she wouldn’t. How that look had stayed as each genin introduced herself.  
  
For a brief moment, Junko wonders if Mirimai was Nanako’s soulmate, then discards the thought.  
They arrive at Nanako’s house, it’s a small place, Junko wonders if Nanako bought it herself, or if it was passed down to her from family. Considers the fact it isn’t her business, is surprised when she wishes it was.  
  
She wonders where this sudden desire to  _know_  Nanako-sensei came from.  
  
‘It’s unlikely anything will done to get me another genin team,’ remarks Nanako, unlocking her front door and leading Junko in, ‘So I’ll be able to focus on your training more,’ she shoots Junko a level gaze, ‘The fact you can’t die permanently isn’t a reason to be lacking in skills.’  
  
==================================  
  
The next morning they report to the Hokage’s office.  
It had been decided they wouldn’t say a word of Junko’s kekkei genkai, Nanako had told her they couldn’t say anything - only select people were allowed to be aware of the clan at all, that included the main family of the clan, the Mizukage and those the Mizukage trusted most.  
  
They were now reporting to the Hokage to see what he had in mind for Junko next - if he had anything in mind.  
It wouldn’t surprise Junko if she had been forgotten about, she felt she was easily forgotten much of the time.  
  
It was strange, to spend the night with a Nanako that suddenly paid attention to and was aware of her.  
They’re left waiting for several hours before being allowed to enter the Hokage’s office.  
  
He’s focused on paperwork still when they enter, but glances up at them, ‘Ah, Junko and Okubo Nanako.’  
  
Nanako bows very slightly, ‘Half of my team died in the chunin exam,’ she remarks, ‘I felt it meant I should report in and ask what is to happen next.’  
  
‘It was the head of your clan that insisted you get a genin team so soon,’ muses Hiruzen, gaze intently focused on Nanako, ‘So you won’t be assigned another for some time.’  
‘And Junko?’  
  
Hiruzen switches his gaze to Junko and looks thoughtful.  
  
‘I want her officially recognized as a member of the Okubo clan,’ Nanako interrupts his thoughts, Junko shoots her a startled look.  
Junko thinks for a moment, her name had come from a mother that had fled right after giving birth, it was a meaningless name. She considers the roaring feeling of heat in her veins.  
  
‘I want to give myself a new name, also,’ she speaks up.  
  
‘Acceptance into a clan, and a new name,’ muses Hiruzen, ‘I can’t have final say on your acceptance into the Okubo clan, but I can put the paperwork through to change your name, what do you wish to change it to?’  
  
She hadn’t thought that far ahead, she shoots Nanako a somewhat startled look.  
‘Haruhi,’ offers Nanako, Junko nods.  
  
‘Okubo Haruhi,’ muses Hiruzen, ‘I’ll put the paperwork through once I’ve spoken to your clan head.’  
  
He makes a note, then looks back up, gaze now focusing on Haruhi, ‘Inuzaka Mari will need new team mates,’ he muses, notices the way Haruhi flinches very slightly, ‘but considering the reason you both need new team mates . . .’  
  
‘I’ll leave Nanako in charge of your training for now, you’ll be expected to take on missions within your skill level, and when I can, I’ll assign you to a new genin team.’  
  
Haruhi and Nanako both nod, each feeling relieved.  
  
‘Haruhi is moving in with me,’ Nanako reports next, ‘I feel that with the very recent and potentially traumatic loss of her team mates, it’s better if she not be alone.’  
  
‘Understandable.’  
  
=============================  
  
Before the chunin exams, Haruhi had never been to her sensei’s house, and now she’s living in it.  
Nanako’s house has three bedrooms and is decently sized, larger than she’d think a young jounin sensei could afford, she quickly learns that Nanako didn’t purchase the house herself, had inherited it.  
  
They currently stand in what is now Haruhi’s bedroom, staring at the emptiness of it, there is a bed at least, but nothing else.  
Nanako sighs, ‘we’ll do some shopping for more furniture,’ she glances at the singular bag she’d packed for Haruhi, ‘and some clothing.’  
  
‘We can just grab furniture and the rest of my clothes from my apartment,’ Haruhi protests, she can’t exactly afford new things, doesn’t really want Nanako spending money on her either.  
  
Nanako scowls, and while the expression is negative, it quietly thrills Haruhi to see more expressions from her sensei.  
  
‘All of the stuff I didn’t pack was old, falling apart,’ Nanako replies, ‘you need decent clothing, decent gear, and good furniture to make this space comfortable.’  
  
‘I’m keeping this, then,’ declares Haruhi, gesturing to the jounin vest she’s wearing, there’s a tear in the back, but Haruhi still likes it, even as a part of her wonders if the reason she likes it, is the fact it belonged to Nanako.  
  
Nanako rolls her eyes, ‘that’s stained with blood,’ she gestures for Haruhi to follow her, fishes another jounin vest out of a pile of clothing in her own bedroom, ‘you can have this one instead,’ she tosses the vest to Haruhi.  
  
Haruhi immediately hugs the vest to her chest, appeased by this but still thinking about possible ways to remove blood from the best she’s currently wearing.  
  
‘We better get this shopping out of the way,’ Nanako sighs, obviously not fond of shopping, ‘we’ll start training in a weeks time, until then you can get settled into your new bedroom.’  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come join this discord server for some ~Quality Nart Chat along with Quality People: https://discord.gg/ZJa6Sfc
> 
> Am working on making each chapter longer

**Author's Note:**

> Golden Boy and Adsum are my main focuses, so this and ad astra per aspera aren't likely to get updated terribly often


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